This morning, my mother wakes me up a little after 8:00 am, informing me that the nursing home my grandmother has been in for the past month called and said her oxygen levels are way below normal (normal being between 90 to 100; my grandmother's being 35) and that she had only a few hours left to live. She asked if I wanted to go and see her.

Groggily, I said yes, and I got dressed; my mind was racing, but my body was sluggish. The only thing I could think was "Oh, my god... I need to let her know that, even though we used to fight all the time, I love her. I need to reconsile." Those of you who know me in real life, know that I have a great respect for those who are passing and those who have passed.

I needed to make sure my grandmother knew that I love her.

We arrived at the nursing home a little before 9:00 am (seeing as it wasn't that far from my house) and we (the family slowly crowding in as well) dwelled about in her room. She lay there, pale and fragile-looking, eyes half-closed; she was skinny. Very, very skinny. I bet she only weighed like 70-something pounds. But that's beside the point.

We spent a couple of hours by her side, getting her what she wanted--mostly drinks, because she kept saying she was thirsty--and waiting. Waiting for her to end her suffering. I told her multiple times, over the loud near-growling of her oxygen machine, that I loved her. I felt so much better knowing she said it back.

It was my mother, her fiancee, my Aunt Sally and her boyfriend, my Uncle Scott and Missy, my sister and I who sat around her, telling her its okay to let go and she should be happy. (A few other family members showed up after that.)

I watched my grandmother take her last couple of breaths and lay still. I was kneeling beside her bed, with my uncle and aunt, and broke into sobs, burying my face in my hands. I really couldn't believe... she was gone.

After that was a little of a blur, and I was somehow on the other side of her bed, holding her cold, bony hand, and sobbing more.

That wasn't the first time I've been in the presence of a dead body. I went to my old neightbor's viewing... and there was the time I came across the scene of a car accident, in which a pedestrian was struck (I saw his foot from around the crime scene's attempt to hide in--not that I wanted to go see it in the first place.)

That was, however, the first time I actually watched a person die. It was nothing like movies or tv; no, it was much subtler than that. No final words, no slumping over... just quiet, the chest stopping its rhythmic rise and fall. She had finally let go and moved onto a better life.

I also haven't been hit by the huge wave of grief yet. My emotions shut off; my body reacts to them, but I don't feel them.

I'm still debating whether I should go to school or stay home tomorrow. I should go, but I will just end up bawling my eyes out when my friends ask me about it.

I'm sorry I bothered you all with this. =/

-Mai

Taken from 'cause it looked like fun.


001. Real name – Sam
002. Nickname(s) – Mai, Nicki, Marlene, Sempai, ...there are so many more... XD
003. Zodiac sign - Capricorn
004. Male or female - Female
005. Elementary – It was good... until third grade. Then hell set in. T_T
006. Middle School – it was so/so...
007. High School – Things are better. I'm apparently "cute" now...
008. Hair color - medium, semi-dark brown
009. Long or short - shortish medium. Growing it out.
010. Loud or Quiet - Loud. x3 ahaha.
011. Sweats or Jeans - Jeans. I don't really like sweats
012. Phone or Camera – I like my phone :3
013. Health freak – I should eat better.
014. Drink or Smoke? – NEITHER!!!
015. Do you have a crush on someone? – does "Seto Kaiba" count? Even though he fictional?
016. Eat or Drink – Drink. I'm always drinking something.
017. Piercings – Yes, my ears. Just one on each earlobe.
018. Tattoos – I want one. I'm trying to come up with a design that will mean something to me for the rest of my life.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane – Yes.
020. Been in a relationship – yes..
021. Been in a car accident – not yet...
022. Been in a fist fight – Yes. with my sister. that's it.

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing – eats.
024. First best friend – Heidi. I miss her like crazy..
025. First award – I...uh, got like 3rd in a beauty pageant once
026. First crush – Zach W. oh daaamn.
028. First big vacation – Disneyworld. I think.
029. Last person you talked to – My sister?
030. Last person you IMed –
031. Last person you watched a movie with – mom? XD
032. Last food you ate – chips. XD
033. Last movie you watched – Zombieland
034. Last song you listened to – idk.
035. Last thing you bought – Pokemon: SoulSilver PRE-ORDER
036. Last person you hugged – I have no idea!

FAVES:
037. Food – cheese?
038. Drinks – Green Tea
039. Clothing - Jeans, cute shirts, fun shoes
040. Books – the "Inkheart" series, the "Vampire Academy" series, xD
041. Music – alternative. ;3
042. Flowers – Roses
043. Colors – Green, black, orange
044. Movies - stuffs. XD
045. Positions – erm..
046. Subjects – Writing, English, history, biology

IN 2009 I....
047. [] Kissed in the snow.
048. [x]Celebrated Halloween
049. [x]Had your heart broken
050. [ ] Went over the minutes on your cell phone
051. [x] Someone questioned your sexual orientation (My sexual orientation IS questionable, so I marked it.)
052. [ ] Came out of the closet
053. [ ] Gotten pregnant
054. [ ] Had an abortion
055. [x] Done something you've regretted
056. [x] Broke a promise (Probably a little one but we all do at some point. I can't remember what though.)
057. [x] Hid a secret
058. [x] Pretended to be happy
059. [x] Met someone who changed your life
060. [x] Pretended to be sick.
061. [ ] Left the country
062. [ ] Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
063. [ ] Traveled to high mountains
064. [ ] Ran a lot on the beach
065. [ ] I live on a beach
066. [ ] Stayed single a whole year.

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating - Nothing
068. Drinking - Tea
069. I'm about to do – this
070. Listening to – news
071. Plans for today – zip
072. Waiting for – Wicked Faire!

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? – not really
074. Want to get married? - maybe
075. Careers in mind - Author, Biologist

OR OR:
076. Lips or eyes - eyes
077. Shorter or taller? - Taller
078. Romantic or spontaneous - Romantic
079. Nice stomach or nice arms - Um...tummy XD
080. Sensitive or loud – Both. I like someone who can be outgoing but have some sense to be sensitive and notice stuff.
081. Hook-up or relationship – Relationship.
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant - hesitant XD

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts – no
084. Ran away from home - no
086. Killed somebody – No
087. Broken someone's heart – Yes, but it had to be done...
088. Been arrested – No.
089. Cried when someone died – Yes, quite a bit.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself – I try
091. Miracles - I guess
092. Love at first sight – Yes, to an extent. it's more of seeing soemthing in someone else that makes you take that extra step to get to know them and be yourself.
093. Heaven – depeds
094. Santa Claus – no
095. Sex on the first date – NO!
096. Kiss on the first date – Yes, if the mood is right and the date went well. Sometimes if the physical chemistry is good it seals the deal for a second date.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? - no
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? - ehhh
099. Do you believe in God – I neither believe nor disbelieve.
100. Will you tag 20 people - no thanks...

Hello, watchers.

Today, I am here to bring up some heart-wrentching news. My great friend, ~SonAmy91 is sick with a terrible disease called RND. It causes her to be in near constant pain, and physical therapy and medication are not helping her. Its terrible. Please, for the love of god, I beg of you...

donate, if possible. There is a treatment for her condition but it costs anywhere from $60,000 to $100,000 dollars. Please... I beg of you. I'm in tears as I write this...

I just want her to life a normal life, painfree like those of us who do...

PLEASE VISIT: [link]

The site explains about RND, tells EV's story, and is where donations may be made.

With love,

I thought that I would udatehis, no matter how small the update. MORE HETALIA!

Cosplays Completed</b>

Kingdom Hearts
Marluxia

Hopeful Cosplays of the Future Sometime</b>

Kingdom Hearts
Xion (need wig)
Larxene (need wig)

Death Note</b>
Kiyomi Takada

Sailor Moon
Sailor Saturn (about 80-90%. Skirt needs to be redone)

Pokemon
Gijinka
___a. Magikarp (designed)
___b. Spinarak (designed) (Hopefully next to be worked on)
___c. Turtwig (designing phase)
___d. Espeon (designing phase)
___e. Gardevior (designing phase)

Yu-Gi-Oh!
Mana (Dawn of the Duel)

Axis Powers: Hetalia
North Italy/Feliciano Vargas
Russia/Ivan Braginski

Dragon Ball Z
Android #18

Vampire Knight
Yuki Cross (Day Uniform)
Ruka Souen

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya
Haruhi Suzumiya (School uniform)
Haruhi Suzumiya (Video Game "uniform")

Original Cosplays/Casuals
Gothic!Red Riding Hood
Marluxia variation (SECRET/SURPRISE!)
Mana (Modern version/ Battle City-esk)
casual Marluxia
casual Larxene
casual Xion


Continually adding to the listy. (:

with love,

All righty. Its been a long time since I've been tagged for anything (like, almost a year.) so its due time! at least someone cares!!! xD

tagged by


1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person must post 10 things about themselves on their journal.
3. At the end, you have to choose and tag 10 people and post their icons on the same journal.
4. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
5. No tag-backs.



1. I procrastinate on everything.

2. I am nicknamed the "Grammar Nazi" by ~SonAmy91.

3. I am currently getting over an illness that struck OVER A WEEKEND that was actually bad enough to get me out of school. Gah, foiled again, immune system...!

4. My dear ~SonAmy91 moved away and lefted me before we could cosplay Aerith and Marluxia together!! </3 (But I still loves her.)

5. Nothing interesting ever happens in the kids' show "Max and Ruby" (My brother is five.)

6. On January 8th, I'll be... SEVETEEN! (Yay jailbait!)

7. I've a huge fan of the following: Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh!

8. I really shouldn't have eaten dinner. My stomach hurts. T_T

9.

10.

TAGS: and whomever wants to do this thing. I suck at tags.

~~~~~~~~

Also taken from

I. Xemnas:

(x) You are the leader most of the time.
(x) You like black.
(x) You wished/wish you were someone else.
() You don't listen to others.
() You like doing research.
TOTAL: 3

II. Xigbar:

(x) You have bad eyesight.
() You like throwing things at others when angry.
(x) You wish you were able to teleport.
() You wear your hair in a ponytail. (manchmal)
() You have/wish you had a gun
TOTAL: 2

III. Xaldin

(x) You like windy days.
() You have tried to steal something precious from someone.
(x) You like dragons.
() You have/like dreadlocks.
() You've tried to anger someone on purpose.
TOTAL: 2

IV. Vexen

(x) You are disrespected by the young ones.
() Someone has already considered you a traitor.
() You are the oldest of your group.
(x) You like experiments.
(x) You like cold days.
TOTAL: 3

V. Lexaeus

( ) You are not very talkative.
(x) You like brain games.
( ) People are afraid of you because of your appearance.
( ) You prefer heavy weapons rather than light ones.
() You are very strong, physically speaking.
TOTAL: 1

VI. Zexion

(x) You love reading.
() You are not very sociable.
(x) You are one of the shortest of your group.
() You have a very sensitive nose.
() You like to elude others.
TOTAL: 2

VII. Saïx

() You have double-personality issues
(x) You are more active during night rather than day.
(x) You like werewolves.
(x) Your superior trusts you.
(x) You have a scar on your face. (I do, its just hard to see unless you look closely)
TOTAL: 4

VIII. Axel

(x) You are somewhat a pyromaniac.
(x) You care deeply for your best friends.
() You are a two-faced when you need to.
(x) You don't like when people don't remember your name.
() You have a very fiery personality.
TOTAL: 3

IX. Demyx
(x) You like music.
( ) You know how to play a guitar.
(x) You like rainy days.
(x) You like swimming.
(x) You are usually a very happy person.
TOTAL: 4

X. Luxord

(x) You like playing cards.
() You like to gamble.
() Your favorite color is gold.
() You have stolen money from others.
(x) You have/wished you could curse someone.
TOTAL: 2

XI. Marluxia

() You like pink.
(x) You like flowers.
() You are plotting to overthrow your superior.
(x) You were betrayed by someone.
(x) You are a bit of a flamboyant person.
TOTAL: 3

XII. Larxene

() You're the only female on your group.
(x) You like storms.
() You're pretty agile.
(x) You like to mock others.
() You think ninjas are cool.
TOTAL: 2

XIII. Roxas

(x) You love ice cream.
() You are the youngest of your group.
() You think people are hiding something from you.
() You usually have strange dreams involving people you've never met.
() You prefer afternoons rather than nights and mornings.
TOTAL: 1

I AM MOST LIKE: Saïx and Demyx! <3 I ♥ me some Saïx!!!